my mouth tastes like poor choices
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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