this just has baby written all over it
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
