so explain again why im purple
no
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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