Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
