This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
