Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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