I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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