Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
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If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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