He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
