Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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