Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
