Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
