Is it because I queefed?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
