someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
