I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize