Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
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Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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