I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Drunk is not a location!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
