apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
