So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
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A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
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I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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