I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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