Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
ok first of all what the fuck
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
