Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
