Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
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After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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