That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
