Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
