I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
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I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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