I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
