I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
