I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
