where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
