She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
