i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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