This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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