dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
