omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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