as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
