i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
