Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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