My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
