Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
