Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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