i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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