I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
