She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
