Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
