He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
