I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
