How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
