Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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