is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
