Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
