So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
