Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
