I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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