So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
