To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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