There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.