Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
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You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
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I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.