bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
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I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
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Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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