she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok