Texts From Last Night

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  (907): View more from Alaska

  is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?

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  (907): is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk? http://tfl.nu/2ehj
  Replies (26) Good night (7167) Bad night (908)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.

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  (314): i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk. http://tfl.nu/227n
  Replies (11) Good night (4146) Bad night (889)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.

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  (780): Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man. http://tfl.nu/3qrw
  Replies (8) Good night (5035) Bad night (1872)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.

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  (832): Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint. http://tfl.nu/g066
  Replies (1) Good night (856) Bad night (1802)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.

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  (570): Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore. http://tfl.nu/xw8g
  Replies (17) Good night (1267) Bad night (3020)
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  (516): View more from New York

  YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?

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  (516): YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!? http://tfl.nu/sc0r
  Replies (9) Good night (1972) Bad night (567)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.

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  (850): If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes. http://tfl.nu/8h92
  Replies (7) Good night (1678) Bad night (480)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.

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  (614): I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower. http://tfl.nu/c26q
  Replies (15) Good night (535) Bad night (1077)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  That's horrible but hilarious

  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm going to miss college.

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  (407): Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else. (1-407): That's horrible but hilarious (407): I'm going to miss college. http://tfl.nu/1mp1
  Replies (4) Good night (506) Bad night (312)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j

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  (740): You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j http://tfl.nu/94ee
  Replies (3) Good night (617) Bad night (361)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."

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  (617): I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..." http://tfl.nu/x7hv
  Replies (1) Good night (676) Bad night (320)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?

  (224): View more from Illinois

  50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.

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  (262): You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend? (224): 50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward. http://tfl.nu/qmja
  Replies (2) Good night (932) Bad night (310)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?

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  (410): Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel? http://tfl.nu/uv9o
  Replies (7) Good night (525) Bad night (269)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.

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  (231): That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/ogi2
  Replies (8) Good night (639) Bad night (288)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?

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  (214): As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight? http://tfl.nu/olih
  Replies (4) Good night (663) Bad night (180)

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