For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
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I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
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Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.