one might say we're banned from that church
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
