my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
be right there i have to get my cape
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
