Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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