very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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