"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The adults are the big ones right?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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