its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
