I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
