Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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