is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
