Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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