Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
