The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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