i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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